So my days on Tinder have come to an end. I tried. I really tried. But I just couldn’t.
I suppose it’s like ordering a book online. You look at the cover, you read the blurb at the back, and then decide. The difference though, is that the book doesn’t judge you. The book doesn’t ask if you’re after a quick read or looking forward to the sequel too and the book doesn’t suddenly become the bible intent on saving your soul, which of course is bound for eternal damnation. Or, even better, tell you that it is actually currently being read by someone else, but that it doesn’t mind being read by multiple parties at the same time…WTF.
As an experiment I even told a few of them that I was married. That I had to go because my hubby was home or I had to get my six kids all under the age of seven into bed. They still wrote back. Asked if they could come over once the kids were down and husband was out. One even found me on Facebook after I deleted him and started sending me terrible messages about how he was going to tell said husband that I was on tinder. Seriously, I checked the house was locked three times last night, deactivated my Facebook account and slept with the light on. I have visions of Columbine all over again.
I am trying hard not to see things as failures in 2018, but rather as lessons. So what have I learnt?
- You can’t order a husband online
- In the digital age anyone kind find you anywhere
- People are scary and lonely.
People are really lonely. And, when you’re lonely, you do things that aren’t good for you. Things you wouldn’t ordinarily do. Things that you’ll look back on one day and cringe. Tinder is a dangerous place for the lonely heart. The heart that’s maybe a little too big for its own good. My heart in particular.
I did give my number to a few guys who seemed fairly normal. It was three guys to be exact and, let’s face it, normal is relative. We’ve exchanged the odd message and so far so good, but then yesterday the one seemed to have a bit of a panic attack when I suggested coffee (I would like to add here that I was merely following up on his original suggestion). I am not sure what happened, but he became all flustered and then disappeared. Maybe he too has a hubby at home and six kids under seven!
Other than that not much to report. My housemate has been away for a month and returned this morning unexpectedly. Alison and I had become a little slack with housework and laundry while she was away. So much so that I went to my friend for dinner last night in my pj’s and miss-matching slops. I was fairly stoked that I managed to find the right of one pair and the left of the other. Perhaps a sign that not all hope was lost.
We have spent the day furiously cleaning. To be honest, Alison was little help. Housework isn’t really her thing. She is far more into eating and sleeping. She did throw-up on my bed though, perhaps a silent protest to the fact that it hasn’t been made in the last two weeks…
I’ll end off today with one of my favorite messages that I received yesterday. I still have a few more saved up for future posts!
Top marks for originality, a sincere little gem:
“Hi there, I know this profile is fake, but can I get the name of the model you used for your pics”
No Robert, you may not.